PADDLING TO SHORE

Written for Lynn’s retirement after 21 years as a teacher

 Lynn has finally paddled to the shore.

Stepping on the sand of the retirement tour.

New adventures and grandkids to spoil,

No more marking or teachers’ hard toil.

But we must remember a few little things,

Before she flies off, flapping those wings:

She started Brooksbank quite new as a teacher,

But getting the A*s, no one could reach her.

Head of drama, the person in charge,

For a little person she was giving it large.

No one could match her, she should be bottled in jars,

Like a precious gem from Jupiter or Mars.

She joined ‘So Shoddy’ in our first ever prom,

Leading singer in ’Da Doo Ron Ron’.

Hair colour changes from scarlet to pink,

Some styles outrageous, you’d just have to blink!

Putting on shows like’ Bugsy’ and ‘Grease’,

Very much loved, the applause wouldn’t cease.

But then the curtain closed on that little role,

She fancied a change, another dice roll.

She swapped to become a Head of Year,

Watch out kids, here’s someone to fear.

Proud of her year groups but nobody’s mug

If one misbehaved she would just, ‘Squash that bug!’

Stomping her foot down to show her great might.

Little kid-ants dashing away in great fright.

One day Meghan had got into trouble,

Mouthing off teachers but then made it double.

She gave a false name and called herself Grace,

Lying through her teeth to the very teacher’s face.

A quick phone call home and out came the truth,

Mrs Greenwood furious, she went through the roof!

Announced it in assembly to all the scared kids,

Careful not to name, the identity she hid.

But then at the end she said, ‘Meghan stay behind.’

The truth was out and no one was blind.

Poor old Meghan regretted those lies,

And probably will ‘til the day that she dies!

For someone diminutive she is pretty tough,

The lads in C12, well she’d just had enough.

Trying to barge past and skip their DT,

Lynn at the door, ‘You’ll have to get through me!’

Squaring up, with hands on her hips.

Scowling and growling and licking her lips.

It just wasn’t worth it, facing the strife.

They wouldn’t dare cross her for their very life.

But she was so caring for those sad little boys,

Like Kxxxxx and others who she bought Christmas toys.

While she had a soft spot for those who we’d stomp,

Preferring them chucked into a nice murky swamp,

She would protect them, with Kath by her side,

Caring hands together, the students they’d guide.

Trying to get them to choose the right path,

Always protecting them from other teachers’ wrath.

She used to give prizes of cash in the hall,

For those would worked well, especially in recall.

But little did she know, the kids hated the fame,

They all called it the ‘dreaded walk of shame’.

In Key Sage 4 Julie would help her each day,

‘The computer is broken,’ you’d always hear Lynn say.

‘I can’t find this,’ or, ‘I can’t find that,’

Technology was against her, always something to combat.

Julie would say, ‘Lynn, just you budge up,’

And then sort it out quickly, just a little hiccup.

Nigel did everything to do with a computer,

And now here’s a tale about a crazy commuter:

Lynn is her name and one day she broke down,

But a lorry man helped her and like a daft clown,

She drove her car into the back of his lorry,

Saying she was thankful and awfully sorry.

Has anyone seen Hannibal and what happened to that girl?

It’s enough to cause goose bumps and your little toes to curl.

Fortunately Lynn lived to see a new day,

The bloke turned out ok and her life she didn’t pay.

But it isn’t something that we would recommend,

Particularly if you don’t want your precious life to end!

The last couple of years she has worked at The Link,

With our hard to reach kids, often just on the brink

Of telling them that they can also, ‘Fxxx off!’

Especially to xxxxxx who was a …polite little cough.

She liked to call her, ‘The bitch from Hell,’

An astute description, it fitted her well.

But that lot were nothing compared to year ten,

Kicked off big style with a fight to the end.

Ethan attacked xxxxx, with Lynn in the middle,

You could hear the commotion as far away as Siddal.

Xxxxx got more than he bargained for,

Xxxxxx decked him, now there’s three on the floor.

Lynn’s desperately trying to pull xxxxx back,

Xxxxxx can’t take another brutal attack.

Xxxxx runs inside, then the window is smashed

Xxxxxxx chucked rocks so the glass has just crashed,

Desks knocked over, carnage ensued,

Boxes being chucked, everyone’s bruised.

Urgent assistance is needed for Lynn,

Before she also gets hit on the chin!

The possie arrive, and peace is reclaimed.

The Link is The Madhouse, it’s just been renamed!

Now we all know that gossip isn’t Lynn’s thing,

She likes the ‘info’ so people will bring

News of what’s happening and who’s up to what,

So she can paint the picture and square up the dot,

Putting the school jigsaw together, each piece,

Knowing who’s got what job just gives her relief.

‘I just like to know,’ is what she will say,

Keeping track of school life every day.

So now she is leaving, no speech or no fuss,

Just simply getting on to that retirement bus.

No leaving do or partying out until dawn,

Preferring to sit serenely recalling memories drawn.

Reflecting quietly on her many years here.

Toasting with champagne and raising a cheer.

Lynn will be so missed, too hard to replace,

She’s simply leaving, but she will leave the trace

Of the years she has spent here at this ‘special’ school.

It’s now the time to forget every rule:

Getting in data on the exact day,

Writing reports, with positives to say,

Performance management and OFSTED inspections,

Lesson obs that were worse than injections,

Parents’ evenings and learning walks,

Presentation nights and giving those talks.

Leave that behind and get on a new boat,

Turn off the light and put on your coat.

Lock the door, with no turning back.

Look straight ahead, you’ll see a new track…

From The English Department xxx

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